I managed to score two free tickets to see the advance screener preview of The Hills Have Eyes through Vice Magazine. It’s pretty exciting getting free movie tickets, and even more exciting if it’s for a sneak preview.
That was the extent of the excitement, though, as The Hills Have Eyes was a tepid pool of watery grease/greasy water.
It’s a remake of a 1977 Wes Craven movie. This is the decade of remakes, and I can’t wait for this dreadful trend to wriggle and die.
Back in 1977, a movie like this about radioactive mutants killing wholesome American families might have been terrifying. My generation, however, is so jaded and desensitized to violence that we need fresh thrills to keep us awake.
Ours is a generation that plays Grand Theft Auto and watches ultra violent sports. You can’t frighten us with killers, anymore. Ever since Japanese movies like The Ring and The Grudge came to Australia and ripped our sensibilities into tiny, juicy pieces, we’ve become hardened on the inside.
The Hills Have Eyes is intense though, there’s no doubt about that. Director Alexandre Aja uses all the stock techniques to freak us out every couple of minutes the sound will go down, this rising PANIC! noise will start and something will jump out at us.
Oh! Ha ha, it’s just the goofy teenage son. Oh! Hee hee, it’s just that loyal dog. Oh! Cannibalistic mutant! Aieee! Aiee! and so forth…
Without giving too much away, there’s also a lot of ‘Ewwww’ content not enough to make you sick, but just to make you cringe. But cringing isn’t horror in fact, I cringe every time I hear a baby cry on the train. Yes. A movie about a single man changing diapers would be far more terrifying, on so many more levels.
Like many other horror films, The Hills Have Eyes tries to awkwardly bring in some social commentary about the dangers of nuclear weapons and the indifference of the US government, but instead of getting clever, like George A. Romero might have done, this flick just gives it to us in one quick blurb.
The movie also throws in American flava without remorse. When the family gets stuck out in the middle of the New Mexico desert, the father, an ex-cop, naturally pulls out two guns, giving one to his son. If the same thing were to happen in Canada or Australia, the most we’d come up with would be a stale baguette and some BBQ tongs.
When I received these free tickets, I deliberately ignored all previews and reviews about it, hoping for a special surprise. ‘Ooooh,’ I anticipated with glee, ‘A movie where the Hills have eyes! Imagine! Hills looking right at you!’
I say: Yawn. Pass on this film and go to Krispy Kreme. Put on 20 pounds and look at yourself in the mirror. Scream in terror.
Why to see it: Australia actress Emilie de Ravin, Kate from the hit-series Lost, plays the daughter that screams a lot and an American Democrat takes a beating – then turns into a (predictably) gruesome vigilante! See, you can be a gun-wielding hero AND still support social services and increased health care funding! (and oppose the war in Iraq)
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