It’s hard to finger exactly what it is about the film that irks me. Really, there’s everything in it fantasy creatures, English private school accents, betrayal, redemption, candy. if it had gratutious nudity and some toilet humour, it will be a college hit.
In spite of what it has, the film feels hollow to me. I suppose it’s because everything feels so mediocre that is too hard to criticize properly. I might be alone in these sentiments, as most people seem to enjoy it dearly.
Having read the book that’s my problem. In my child’s eye, I’ve imagined the world of Narnia when I was 8, and the movie fails to live up to those expectations a difficult feat, surely, but one captured remarkably well by Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I will criticize one thing quite strongly. The four actors that play the Pevensie children are quite honestly the most unappealing children I’ve seen on film. While I understand that ugly people have adventures too, it’d be much easier to sympathize with the characters if they didn’t have such pale, toad like features, paired with wooden acting.
Right, right, I’m a horrible person ‘every child is beautiful’, you say. Well, I don’t agree. After having some experience teaching little children, I’m quite confident of the fact that some children are actually repugnant and these four Pevensie kids almost fit that bill.
The movie does the whole punkass kids save the world thing reasonably well, but it’s the little details that shatter is illusion.
For example, after reading the book, I always imagined Aslan the Lion to have a deep, majestic voice, like Mufasa in The Lion King voiced naturally, by James Earl Jones. Why couldn’t they book Mr. Jones? Instead, they opted for a voice actor with a thin reedy British accent, almost whiny and know it allish. ‘Boo hoo, Peter come save my world, wah wah wah’ give it a rest, Aslan.
Also, as a little kid, I almost went delirious reading about how Edmund goes to town on the box of Turkish Delight. In fact, that book probably created my addiction to Turkish Delight, which I still have. when I was in Greece, a monk gave us Turkish Delight as we seeked shelter from the blaring sun. We rabbited in Greek, while I frantically ate piece after piece. Much like Edmund, I was ready to do whatever he wanted to have more.
‘Pray to Jesus? Sure, sure… candy, candy, candy… Confess my sins? Ok, gotta have some more. Chomp, chomp, chomp.’
Most of all, the film feels forced and synthetic due to all the CGI bastardization going on. I’ll give the four children some reprieve, as they were probably filming the entire film in front of a blue screen. It’s a total computer generated world, and, as real as it’s getting, there’s some quality that’s not accurately captured, and it sickens me. It’s like the whole movie takes place in the Uncanny Valley, and the ‘stunning’ scenic shots just bore me to tears. Oooh, a mountain top. Wow, a waterfall. So many blue pixels.
Well, today’s children probably love the computer graphics. I guess I’m just cranky because I didn’t get any Turkish Delight.
In the end, it’s a good story, and if you keep your damn cynical comments to yourself, you might enjoy it. Or just take the easy route forget you ever read the book, get stumblingly drunk on cheap wine and enjoy it for the raw, visceral excitement.
I say: Eh… I wouldn’t watch it twice, and it was painful enough watching Lucy Pevensie’s troglodytic visage trying to be cute with her little ‘Pleased to meet you, Mr. Tumnus’ routine.
Watch it for: The part where they go ‘Mr. Pibbs Red Vines = Crazy Delicious’. Oh, wait, that’s this other thing.
To watch more movies like The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (2005) hurawatch
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