Massacre (2005) Movie Info
| Field | Details |
|---|---|
| Movie Name | Massacre (2005) |
| Director | Unknown / obscure indie production |
| Screenplay Writer | Unknown |
| Based on Novel by | — (Original screenplay) |
| Lead Actors | Linda and Brad (characters) |
| Cast | Low-budget independent cast |
| Genre | Horror, Slasher, Exploitation |
| Release Date | 2005 (approx.) |
| Duration | ~1h 20m |
| Budget | Extremely low-budget independent film |
| Language | English |
| Country | United States |
| Box Office (Worldwide) | Direct-to-video / underground release |
| IMDb Rating | Very low / obscure |
| Notable For | Crude humor, cheesy dialogue, amateur filmmaking style |
| Distributor | Brain Damage Films |
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Linda and Brad are both peeing at the beginning of Massacre; suddenly I get the urge to do the same. That is, the inexplicable urge to urinate all over this one, as I can’t seem to shake the feeling that’s all it’s gonna be good for. So Linda and Brad both zip up and head off on a trail through the forest and exchange some damn funny dialog about each other’s families, I don’t want to spoil it, but let me say that the term “fuckwad” is used, and that my friends, is pure independent cinema gold.
Soon Brad tells Linda not to come any further up the trail, because you can tell by the pained look on Brad’s face that he’s come upon something disturbing. Is it a giant bear turd? Could it be a gut pile left by some inconsiderate hunters? Or maybe they’ve happened upon a couple of inbred, forest-dwelling polesmokers stopped for a nooner? Nope, you’ve probably guessed it by now, it’s a dead body with a big freakin’ chef’s knife stuck in his chest. Much to my chagrin, the 2 or 3 minutes of Linda and Brad are about the only pieces of this movie (if I may call it that).
As is with plenty of horror these days, we are then whisked back 3 days prior to Linda and Brad’s grisly discovery. We find ourselves cruising along in a minivan full of guys and gals (who I’m thinking will be the flesh donors) obviously heading out for some kind of camping trip or picnic. The blonde bimbo in the van is doing a poor job making it look like she’s drinking a beer while asking a bunch of asinine celebrity deathmatch type questions, all the while bouncing back and forth to a supposed beat, but it looks more like she has a really bad case of ADHD.
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